So imagine you've started a sentence and suddenly you are unable to think of the word you want to say. You are shocked that it's not coming to you, but you really just can't come up with the right word. You're frustrated and possibly embarrassed and you struggle to explain the meaning of the one word you can't think of.
This happens to all of us. But imagine if you were struggling to remember that word in every sentence you say every day of your life.
Unfortunately, this is the experience of my stepmother, who suffers from aphasia. This degenerative brain disease is also called symantic dymensia; Instead of forgetting memories, the sufferer forgets words. Like Alzheimer's, there is no rhyme or reason to who aphasia strikes (though many patients are stroke victims - my stepmother is not). Aphasics know exactly what they want to say, but they can not find the words to communicate their thoughts.
This disease has been incredibly hard on my stepmother. Her once vibrant personality has been greatly affected, and her ability to function in the world is declining. It is also hard on my dad, who suddenly finds himself in the role of permanant caretaker.
My stepmother has been a theater educator and director for close to 40 years. Her symptoms are now forcing her to retire from the profession she loves. So this weekend marks the last show she will ever direct. AJ and I will travel to see it, and most of my siblings will be there to help celebrate on closing night.
On one hand, I am relieved. My stepmother's schedule is extremely stressful and frankly I don't think it is very healthy for her. Leaving her job means more time with grandchildren and the opportunity to develop non-verbal hobbies like painting and piano. But I can also understand the pain she is in. Her 'last show' really is her last show - a huge part of her life is behind her and the older one gets, the more realistic the idea of death becomes.
From personal experience, I know that my stepmother was an amazing director and acting teacher. She took me under her wing and introduced me to new choreographers, found me voice teachers, paid for my acting classes, coached me for auditions and supported me in every move I made - personal, professional and theatrical. She is still that same amazing director, but her disability has stolen that identity from her. The high school kids she works with probably have no understanding of the calibur of director they are working with.
The joy of my stepmother's interaction with her students will be gone, but hopefully she will reap the benefits of less stress and more family time. I know this weekend's celebration will be sad for all of us, but I am hoping that with the support of her friends, family and colleagues, my stepmother will be able to begin this new chapter of her life with dignity and hope.
*If you pray, please say a quick prayer for my parents this weekend. Thanks :) *
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3 comments:
Good post. I don't pray, but will be thinking of you, her and your family. I imagine it will be a night to remember.
Sending positive thoughts your way. The post made me cry; everything must come to an end, whether we want it to or not. I hope your stepmother finds peace in the end of this phase of her life and contentment in the next.
Very sad. I'm glad you and AJY can see her in her last performance.
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