AJ threw the worst temper tantrum of her life today in public. It was at the library and it was mortifying. Her pants and underwear came down as I was dragging her across the ground screaming. She ran away from me so many times that I stopped chasing her. I wanted to hide under a rock. I know every patron and librarian was looking at me and thinking I was going to go home and abuse my child. I taught for two hours this morning, so I know I looked sweaty and sloppy; I'm tired from being up with AJ in the middle of last night and fat from IBS. I must have looked like an absolute train wreck.
I was so mad at AJ that I completely lost it. I cried for about an hour afterward. I felt hurt, which is stupid, because I know she is only two. But as a parent you just pour all of your energy and love into raising this little person and then it just kills when she turns around and makes a fool of you.
The worst part of this tantrum was that it was 100% preventable. I realized hours later that I had two freaking suckers in my purse. All I would have had to do was pull out a dum-dum and we would have gotten out of there easily.
But I made the librarian reshelve all the lovely books I chose for AJ and I had to tell my child that she was NEVER coming back to the library again. This is only partially true; I don't think I will be taking her without my husband any time soon(It's the second consecutive major tantrum she's had there). This makes me sad, because libraries are all about creativity, learning, reading and bonding...and AJ's love of reading can be fueled by library books.
I hate, absolutely HATE, the feeling of being mad at my child. It is counterintuitive to being a mother. And I had such a hard time getting over my anger today that I can't kick the guilt and sadness I feel about today. So we are going to take it easy the next day or two. And we won't be going to the library anytime soon.
~
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
I am sorry you had a bad day yesterday. I can totally appreciate the guilt that comes from being mad with your child. Yesterday was cranky for me too so if you need someone to sit an commiserate with, let me know.
Keep in mind none of us are absolute supermoms and none of us have perfect kids. I wish more people would admit to this, write posts like yours, and talk with other moms about it. People have commented to me about how they can't believe I made it out with 3 kids and how calm I seem.....most often inside, I feel tired, overwhelmed, and sometimes just plain crazy! I tend to use humor a lot to get through the daily grind.......
I know from watching you interact with your child that you are a great, loving, creative, and caring mom....I also know the feelings of anger, frustration, and sadness you had this day are TOTALLY normal...I understand the guilt you feel...I think all mothers understand....just try to not beat yourself up over too much.
I hear you. Loud and clear.
I don't have any words of wisdom, just wanted you to know you're definitely not alone.
(And while I LOVE the idea of taking the kids to the library - we went on Monday - the train table is the absolute bane of my existence! Terrible horrible things always happen when we try to leave it.)
Post a Comment