It's not really a holiday until you have some dysfunctional family togetherness. And that's just what we're aiming for as we plan a daytrip to Altoona, PA, in a week and a half.
When my mom passed away 15 years ago, my dad tried to make sure that my sister and I stayed in touch with her side of the family. I give him that credit; As hard as it was raising two tween girls alone, he really did make the effort. Unfortunately they really didn't reciprocate. We are now at the point where we talk to my aunts on the phone once or twice a year and call Grandma Mary on Mother's Day and Christmas.
We last saw our grandma five years ago. She is confined to her home and can't move around much. Her decline was surprising to us at our last visit and we figured we probably wouldn't see her alive again. Fast forward five years....she is 94 (I think? Maybe 95?). She's still houseridden and somewhat forgetful, and she needs the nurses who visit daily, but the strength of her voice on the phone tells me she's not going anywhere. She has always been extremely stubborn and her steel grip on life is proof of that.
I called my aunts to announce our first visit in five years and got less than the excited response I was hoping for. One asked if I could switch the day (no I could not), change the time (I agreed) and stay for dinner (still trying to get out of that). The other aunt immediately asked if I watched "John and Kate Plus 8" and wondered if I thought Maddie, one of the older twins on the show, was kind of a brat.
I don't know what AJ is going to do in Grandma's house for a couple of hours. It's almost like a ghost house - the house where my mom grew up, the rooms my sister and I played in at Easter and Thanksgiving - and I don't expect that much has changed. Our conversations will likely revolve around reality TV and the weather (historically a hot topic for this side of the family).
When I was younger my dad would take my sister and I down to the trainyard, mostly to escape a house full of female in-laws. I can understand that, because I can picture myself doing the same thing.
So I need to keep reminding myself why I wanted to do this! We need to go because it's important to me to have some sort of connection with my mom's family. As time goes on it's so easy to forget where I came from...and I am somehow looking forward to sharing this visit with my sister and my daughter.
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2 comments:
What if you asked your aunts to bring some pictures of your mom? Maybe it would spur some reminiscing time for you and your mom's side of the family, and AJ could see some pictures of you when you were younger?
Bubba loves to look at pictures, and he likes to look at "Baby Mom" and "Baby Dad." He might not understand that we haven't always been old people, but the pictures are entertaining.
Good luck! And have a safe trip! (Maybe we'll actually see you at the gym after the holidays!) :P
That is kinda disappointing that it feels like work for you to spend time with your family. But kudos to you for sticking with it. I bet in the long run you'll be glad you did.
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