Sigh. Did you ever feel like you kind of fit in somewhere but not 100%? Or maybe you're supposed to fit in and you just don't? I feel that way about the gym.
I love working out. I love walking into the gym, greeting people I know, having a great workout and leaving sweaty and happy. But I don't always see people I know. And sometimes I don't have a great workout (this all goes back to people not attending my classes). And when you get all the fitness instructors together, I feel like I blend into the shadows. I'm not loud, I'm not funny, I don't have any great one-liners and I look like an unsophisticated, pale teenager next to most of them. Even when I wear mascara. I get along with everyone fine when we go away to our convention every year, but it's just not easy like it is with friends...nobody there knows the real me.
Tonight, partially at my request, my supervisor audited my class because of my recent attendance problems. I thought I taught a great class to a whopping five participants. My supervisor had some minor criticisms, a few of which were valid (I have bad posture!? I cue too much) and some of which were just nitpicky (I happened to use crappy music tonight). The thing is....my choreography is solid, my cueing is precise, and my safety cues and class structure are on par with industry standards. But for some reason people don't like me.
So between people not liking me and being the quiet instructor, I just feel like I don't fit in there. Would I fit in at a different gym? Maybe. I always wonder if I'd do better at a gym in a larger city with a younger population. But for now I think this is my only option, given that I've spent a year and a half working to get my kid to stay there. And we know the childcare workers and AJ has been doing really well there.
So I'm taking a break and stepping back on the next schedule. I am teaching only one class and it is strength training (not my first choice, but whatever). I will give people a break from me and give myself a break from them. Then when I go back to teach choreography-based classes later in the year, hopefully I'll feel a little better about being ME.
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3 comments:
Hey, I do know that when you were gone for Thanksgiving, your fill in came in the room, and I heard a woman immediately ask, "Where's Kelley? Will she be here next week?"
So you do have some loyal fans out there (besides me). :-) You're my favorite instructor, and not just because I know you.
Because you include beginners in your class. Because you look out for them WHILE you teach folks who have been doing it for eons.
I like that I don't get lost in the cracks. It makes me want to come back and keep working on it.
Yeah, D is right! You have an awesome personality and your energy is one that gets others motivated... you know, like me!
Man, I so wish I could do a class again, darn knees! I'll have to peek one time if I ever join. But, you do remind me of my all time favorite class teacher and her attendance was younger population and jam packed every time. She was young (or at least looked it), energetic, great coreography and you felt like you worked your butt off at the end of class. Seriously, if you didn't get there 10 min before you didn't even get in. I do think it's the town/population,etc.
Anne
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