A really, really, really bad weekend

What a nightmare of a weekend. Absolute disaster: sad, lonely, exhausting, distressing. I know I have so many blessings to count, but this was one of those weekends when you forget about the blessings. I am very grateful for the kindness good friends showed me, reminding me of how lucky I am. At this minute, AJ is in her room screaming her lungs out and trying to destroy things.

We started with the "Less Than A Day" potty training on Saturday morning. First hour and a half went very well. It was so incredibly intense - I felt like I was running a marathon. But I noticed AJ wasn't really responding to the treats (rewards for pottying and dry pants). Also she does not like having things pushed on her, even if it's something she loves. Therefore, she wouldn't drink the juice that would make her pee several times an hour. So it was a long, slow, frustrating process. We had three accidents but by naptime I started to feel we were making progress.

The thing about the book is....you are teaching a child all the skills they need to use the bathroom. But I have actually already taught all those skills to my child, I have just never tested her and forced her to go on her own terms (or have an accident). So all of the stuff that is supposed to be fun and exciting and new (watching the damn $30 dollar baby doll pee itself, talking about how great that Aunt Suzie is for keeping her pants dry) was old hat. I think AJ was kind of bored with it.

APY is weaning off his medications. Dropping down a few milligrams always makes him very sick - nauseus, chills, headaches, aches and pains, kind of like an intense flu. But this drop in mg was unlike anything he's ever had before. Late Saturday afternoon, I left him alone with AJ while I went to sing at church and he was just not well enough to continue the potty training. On my way home, he called and asked me to take him to the ER. We were there until 10pm, when we thought his head pain was starting to recede. Unfortunately that wasn't the case - he was left with the worst migraine of his life that kept him awake throwing up all night. I tried to sleep in a different room, but I just couldn't sit and listen to my husband suffer. My anxiety was off the charts. I have had this problem in the past when he's had migraines - as if I subconsciously force myself to suffer along with him??? I guess my bond to him is so strong that I just feel a great deal of sorrow and stress when he is in such pain. I don't know if other couples are bonded like this or not - and I don't know if he would feel such anxiety if the tables were turned?? It was easily the worst night we have had this year. His migraine continues today, although he is keeping down food. He will be off work for several days now...please say some prayers for him to rest and find relief from pain.

So back to the potty-training. I would tell you that it didn't work at all, except that when we got home tonight, AJ immediately asked to go on the potty and then asked for underpants. She wore them most of the rest of the night and peed several times on her own without prompting. That was huge for us. I feel that if we had three or four days devoted to this, we could have had it down this time. But as the evening wore down, exhaustion set in and the melt-downs became major.

So would the book work for younger children or children with less exposure to pottying? Probably better than it worked for us. I have had AJ going on the potty for a year now. I am not trying to defend the book - plain and simple it didn't work for us, even though I did everything it said to. But that's not to say the book is without merit. I just think a four-day house arrest would work better for AJ to get into the groove of things. Will we find that four-day window anytime soon? Maybe next weekend....or maybe not until January.

As I said, the saving grace of this weekend was our friends. We have no family in town - except for our family of friends. Nev and Shel came over immediately - the second I asked them to - to watch AJ while I spent hours in the ER with APY. What if I didn't have them here? I don't even know any of my neighbors well enough to ask them to sit in my house for ten minutes. And today....I needed to get AJ and myself out of the house so APY could rest. We had nowhere to go. We wasted some time at the mall and then got an invite from Anne. She took care of us all day - fed us, distracted us and kept us happy for several hours. I don't know what I would do without our friends.

AJ didn't want to come home tonight, and neither did I. Our house is dark, sad, full of pain. I am going to take a Xanex or Unisom tonight (or both??) because worry and pain is a big cloud hanging over our heads right now and sleep escapes me. Hopefully I will have a happier update to write soon. This episode has left us with some conversations we need to have with doctors and hopefully APY will be able to avoid this kind of suffering in the future.