I haven't had the energy to blog much lately and I doubt I will in the weeks ahead. Actually I don't know whether the blog will survive a new baby...we'll just have to see! But I had some things tonight I'd like to get off my chest and this is the place to do it.
1. I'd like to divorce my cat, Jackie O (the bad cat). It's just like a crumbling marriage: I love her and always will but I really don't like her. How can we be lovers if we can't be friends? She is mean to AJ without being provoked and mean to us too at times. APY and I are convinced that she thinks we control the sun - she is so much nicer to us on sunny days and then quite unfriendly when it's overcast. And it's really a pain in the ass to switch the cats and their food twice a day. At least Jackie's nighttime crying episodes seem to have dropped off.
2. Poor Uncle Ben (the good cat). He got a bladder infection two weeks ago, due in part to the renal failure, and this week we took him in only for a diagnosis of irritable bowel disease (hey - who doesn't have it???). Between the meds and the visits this CRF is getting quite pricey. However I am pretty sure he has stopped wiping his ass on the newly-cleaned carpet and I am greatly appreciative of that. Poor little guy is getting skinny. Who knows when we will lose him? We are absolutely dreading that day, especially when we think of telling AJ, who is his biggest fan.
3. I am SO DONE with being pregnant at this point that I could give a rat's ass about having a c-section instead of a VBAC. Except for one thing. I can not breathe when I lay flat on my back. Like, absolutely, positively can not breathe. I have been experimenting lately and I believe this problem is about 20% mental and 80% physical. Meaning...that baby is too big, I am too small and I just can't deal with his weight on that main artery! Unfortunately I had this problem in my first c-section and am absolutely dreading the second (scheduled for 12/21). Get the spinal; lay down; realize you can't breathe; realize you can't jump off the table and run because your legs don't work; panic; now you really can't breathe; almost pass out; start throwing up off table. So....I need to work out some sort of plan to get doped up before the spinal. I really don't know if and how this will work. I am just praying I can get beyond those few terrible moments, then have a healthy baby and begin to get my own body back again.
4. Entertaining item in the paper: A group of artisans is holding an event called Art Hooha. Wow. Shouldn't someone let them know? It just doesn't sound good.
5. Today, APY's potential last 12-hour day of the year, and maybe last 7-day work week too, was a long one. In an effort to keep my child and myself entertained, I think I overdid it with a lengthy day of Christmas-related activities. But AJ and I had quite the experience tonight when we went to a live nativity at a local Lutheran church.
Last year when I was driving APY to the ER for a migraine or something (not terribly uncommon in our lives, unfortunately) we drove past the same event. I was so excited, shouting "There's a real live CAMEL!" and he just couldn't even glance over at it. So I was glad that tonight AJ and I got to go stand up close and walk around to look at everything. There was a little girl dressed like an angel (TIED to the top of the stable) who looked like she was freezing. The full-sized camel was back, as were two sheep and a donkey, all of whom kept themselves busy eating hay. Mary and Joseph were really socializing a lot with some of the kings. And the shepherds just kind of hung around. We just got out AJ's Fisher Price nativity set so everything really clicked and made sense for her, though she was terrified of the camel. I was thinking if you lived in a warm climate it would be fun to have a real Baby Jesus instead of a plastic doll in a towel. But despite the cold I really enjoyed our quick trip to the live Nativity. AJ has been trying to marry the two ideas of Christmas - secular Santa brings gifts on Baby Jesus' birthday? - and I hope this helped her to connect with the religious part a little better.
~
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3 comments:
I haven't read past the 1st paragraph...NOOOOOO!!! Oh no, it's so entertaining/interesting. But, I understand. The blog world can maybe just wait for you to get back? I'd hate to see you leave us forever :)
Anne
You poor thing! I am so sorry about the cat issues. It sounds like you have tried so hard to make this situation the best it can be. You can't beat yourself up for not doing enough.
And I AM SO WITH YOU ON THE WHOLE C-SECTION/CAN'T BREATHE THING. I felt the EXACT same way when I was having Gwen. With Collin it was an emergency C-section so I didn't have time to get all freaked out but with Gwen I knew what to expect so I was a basket case until it was over. I hated being strapped down and feeling like I couldn't breathe and like you I threw up all over the place probably from nerves. Anyway, one thing that HELPED me was the anesthesiologist showed me the oxygen levels on his monitor and said that I was getting plenty of oxygen. I kept looking at the numbers and it reassured me enough to calm down and I felt much better. I wish you the best and it will be over before you know it and you will have a beautiful baby. =)
Thanks Harley! I was talking to the midwife today and I told her I've never run into anyone else who had the same experience. She said there were plenty of people - so I'm glad to hear from you!
I will try to remember to look at the oxygen levels, that's a good idea. Also, the m/w said I could request to have the m/w on duty come in the OR to lend me some support until I feel stable. I think the throwing up is from the rapid drop in blood pressure and there's just not much we can do about that...but like you said, I just want to get it over with and meet this baby. :)
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